Mind Wanderings 8/2/10

MIND WANDERINGS

By Justin Henry

FAT, LAZY, AND OVERPAID IS NOT A BAD WAY TO GO THROUGH LIFE, SON
What would you do with one hundred million dollars?

Well, for one thing, if I had that kinda scratch, I wouldn’t be pecking away at the keyboard. These words I’m typing right now, as you read them, were etched while I dreamed of the life of luxury. You know, no more early mornings, shaving and showering before work. No more worrying about bills, and living it up with leisure time to spare.

So yeah, with a hundred million Washingtons at my disposal, I think I’d be taking it easy.

That’s also what Albert Haynesworth thinks.

Haynesworth, for those who have been too busy to keep track, signed a seven year contract for just such a sum approximately seventeen months ago with the Washington Redskins.

There are still six seasons to be played for this contract, which means there’s a mighty assload of cash that still has to be doled out.

That’s not to mention that Haynesworth wanted a trade elsewhere, because he didn’t like the new defensive scheme that was coming into play. The scheme in question would have rendered him the lone defensive tackle on the field, but would create an additional linebacker spot.

Haynesworth has a problem with this, likely because it might involve having to do more work himself.

Now, if you have a problem with me questioning Big Al’s work ethic, I take you to the next little bit of evidence, and that would be his antics since he shut his big mouth and has reported to training camp.

I don’t know about you, but if I’m getting paid $100 million, that would seem to indicate that there’s a lot riding on my output. Not many other Redskins rake in that kind of cash. For example, the only way Devin Thomas will see $100 million is if he marries Lady Gaga and then slits her throat after she finishes editing her will at knifepoint.

But anyway, Albert failed two or three conditioning tests, meaning that all of his mouth-running in the offseason couldn’t offset his blubber expansion.

$100 million to a man who can’t pass a simple conditioning test?

Meanwhile, if you head north to Foxboro, you’ll see a wide receiver named Wes Welker, who tore his ACL on January 3 during a week seventeen game. A lesser man would be finished for an entire calendar, but here he is, seven months after the unfortunate injury, and he’s doing running drills in training camp.

By the way, Welker injured that ACL in a game that he didn’t technically have to play in, since New England’s playoff spot was etched in stone.

He played because he wanted to.

And for $100 million, he’d be the same Welker.


THAT’S WHAT HE NEEDS THE MONEY FOR
If there’s one thing that Twitter has made possible, it’s the potentially volatile combination of would-be hype-generating pro athletes, and the ability to send their most random thought to the world within seconds of typing it.

Case in point, New York Jets cornerback Darrelle Revis, who may be the best corner running the hashes today.

Revis is holding out of training camp for the Jets because he feels he’s owed more after a stellar 2009. That’s an arguable point, as Revis did, in fact, dominate just about every wide receiver he encountered last season.

Maybe Revis is underpaid?

Well, actually, if you go to his Twitter site (http://www.twitter.com/revis24), he makes the following statement in response to a fellow Tweeter on July 26, just after noon eastern time, printed verbatim:

“brother i can buy any car i want, i aint hurtin for money.”

Hope the Jets front office doesn't see this


BUT ENOUGH NEGATIVITY
I probably have little right to criticize lazy and money-hungry athletes, since the most athletic thing I do these days is play catch with friends, and hope to the Almighty Tebow that I don’t blow out my sciatic nerve trying to run down deep passes.

I shouldn’t even criticize Sam Bradford, who just got a honey of a deal from the Rams.

As the first overall pick, Bradford has something of a linear entitlement to a bundle of loot, and he got just that with a six year, $78 million deal.

So, let’s put our ducks in a row here.

Bradford may not throw a single pass in 2010, as he’s going to simply observe AJ Feeley (the starter, for now), and digest the playbook.

As he sits down, reads a playbook and watches Feeley crumble for four months, he makes about $13 million.

So never laugh at back-ups, brethren.

HIGHLIGHT OF MY WEEK
Emmitt Smith’s Hall of Fame speech, of course. The man was so glorious in trying to form complete sentences on ESPN, that I was actually saddened to see him get fired. If the NFL Network shuttles in Moses Malone to provide closed captioning translation, my life just may be complete.

I’m Justin.